I'm single, and I feel free. But with this comes the wrenching pain of seeing Tesia be ok without me. I know she isn't thrilled, and I would rather her be ok while we both grow up separately. I am not ok, and I don't think I will be for some time. But I will be stronger than ever soon. I am picking up speed, and now I've got nothing in my way but my own stupidity and unwillingness to change. Soon I will have three weeks to heal and let God change me, whether it's my art, my spirit or my mind or soul. I will become great, I will become closer to Him in identity and relationship, and I will begin to bridge the gap between humanity and each other and YHVH. I will become something worthy of her... and maybe one day I will be good enough to have her back, and maybe I will even be able to foster growth in that spirit that I came to adore. Or maybe I won't! Maybe I will never be good enough to be with her again. And every time I see her I will be raped with pain when I think that I was not strong enough, not old enough to hold her to me. But Elohim is faithful and in control. He is all that I need, for he will give me what it is best to give me, and even if that is nothing for the rest of my life, I know, I KNOW that it will be the best for me. I know it in my spirit. Perhaps if I am merely a mystic and a student, if I am not a husband, lover and guardian I can become more, and when my capacity is greater, then I can finally be that for her... and maybe then she will still have me... I am terrified that she will be taken. I am afraid that she will be spirited away by someone who grew faster than me, who is greater than me. But I know she is scared of the same thing... But I think very strongly that even if I should lay upon another, even if my travels take me to new cities and new experiences, new faces and new familiarities, my spirit will always remember her. Afterall, it still remembers the tree...
Also, I got hit by a van going about 25-30 mph, flew 15 feet and fractured my leg
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